AKA... HAVE TO VS WANT TO

Every day, I'll see at least one MEME or post on any of my social media about how terrible writing is. So much of the conversations at conventions and symposiums revolve around the struggles of getting writing done. It's like writers revel in mourning at our chosen art form.

This morning I woke up stiff and sore. I like to stay mostly active, but I don't keep active enough to stay in good enough shape that a great night of dancing won't leave me aching and groaning the next day or two. Found my mood dropping when I got into the car to head toward Pitch and Fiddle, my Monday office. "Ug... I have to go and write."

Then, I caught myself. Writing is my career. If I don't do the writing, the income takes a hit. However, the only reason I do this every day is because I chose to hustle into this crazy career. The truth is, even when book sales are light, and I'm figuring out how to get enough for my next trip to New York, I still get paid to make shit up. That's pretty frakkin cool.

Before turning the ignition key, I said to myself, "How cool is it that I get to spend a few hours writing in a cool pub surrounded by awesome people?"

And it is cool! I GET to do this. No one is making me write. I chose to do this because it's one of the coolest things in the world. I've spent years and years studying and meditating on the craft of writing, figuring out my process – a process that fills me with so much joy. Even this blog post is making me supercalifragilisticexpealidosious happy.

This musing has been naggling in the back of my mind for a while. It seems like for years, every time I see a MEME railing at the trials and tribulations of being a writer or writing in general, I've rankled at it. Today I've put that rankling into words, and I'm pleased by my revelation.

My writing isn't an I have to do. My writing is a choice that I get to do one of the coolest things ever. It's a privilege.

Now, I'm thinking of all the projects that may remain on my hard drive or in their journals. Again, I get to choose what becomes of those exercises, prompts, poems, flash fiction, short stories, novellas, and novels. Yes, novels. I'm pretty sure at least one of those novels is just for me. Maybe my kids will decide to do something with it after I'm gone. Maybe not. But again, I get to choose. Just like the writing, it's my privilege.

I've subconsciously felt this way for a long, long while, with varying levels of awareness. Sometimes it takes my brain a long time to catch up to my shadow thoughts. Now, I'm fully cognizant of this perspective.

So... from now on, when I have to decline an invitation or turn away from some other activity because the writing is calling, instead of saying, "I have to write," I'll smile and declare, "I get to write!"