The Best Policy… Hurts… A Lot
Honesty is the best policy. We’ve all heard this, over and over again from the very beginning of our communication with other human beings. Our parents and teachers keep telling us to be truthful and honest. On the other hand, we’re told that we should also be nice and spare other people’s feelings. Well, which is it.
Many people who know me thing that I’m straight-forward, blunt, and directly honest to a fault. Some of my close friends respect this. To several of my family members, this is my most frustrating trait, the one they wish I would change so my behavior would be more socially acceptable. I find this laughable. The truth is, I keep my honest thoughts to myself 75-90% of the time.
A few months ago, I was at lunch with Robin and two of our friends. Well, let me be honest, they are Robin’s friends; to me, they are acquaintances at best. (I am not one of those people who consider friends of my significant other to my friends as well by default of the relationship.) I don’t recall exactly how it came up, but I remember saying to one of them, “My friends don’t know the real me. That’s why they’re my friends.” I meant it as a joke, and I don’t think he got it, insisting that he knew me and that we are friends. I shook my head and let it go, knowing that introducing him to the real me in that situation would not have been conducive to peace in my marriage.
Before I go on, let’s examine the word, “friend,” as it contains different meanings to different people. Also, different people have different definitions for how they determine who their friends are. Most people, in my experience, call someone they know even slightly superficially and spend time with even the remotest of semi-regular contact a “friend.” I am not one of those people. My friends are few and far between.
