A Decade in Review
I’ve heard that whatever you spend New Year’s eve doing is what you’ll be doing for the next year. Last night, good friends invited me over for dinner. I wrote a story in the back of one of my books for them. Then, I went to Old Sacramento and wandered around in a glorious sea of humanity before I got together with some of my favorite people in the world for drinks, conversation, and laughter. Of course, me being me, I couldn’t help but make a few social blunders. One colossally boneheaded and insensitive. Midnight saw me in my car, trying to figure out how the hell I was going to get where I wanted to go.
That’s kinda how I feel about 2010-2019. I was trying to figure out where the hell I wanted to go. Still am, but I have a better sense of direction now than I did ten years ago. So, here I am reflecting on the last ten years. I anticipate this getting fairly heavy and personal toward the end.
The last decade started off with me asking the same question that opened the musical, Avenue Q: “What do you do with a BA in English?” Well, here are some things that happened in the wake of my BA in English, earned in 2009. (Not entirely in chronological order.)
- Start telling stories at Renaissance faires to make a little extra money to help make ends meet.
- Go back to teaching ballroom dance, this time for a batshit crazy Scientologist. We’ll call it a wash because I also met one of my best pals in the world there.
- Stop teaching dance and start moderating online forums and communities.
- Keep telling stories at Renaissance Faires. Keep getting better at that.
- Have a meeting with a friend at de’Vere’s pub in Sacramento to discuss writing a series of Call of Cthulu flash fiction stories for a card game.
- Write those stories at de’Vere’s a few months later.
- Have a couple of friends and your spouse share a couple of articles on the rise of people publishing directly to Amazon Kindle.
- Co-write a silly renfaire-horror mash-up novella with a performer buddy from Renaissance Fairs. Have it do well enough that it convinces you to try your own thing. Do the sequel later that year. In writing the third book, have a disagreement about story elements, then have a falling out. Pull the first two stories down from online retailers.
- Publish a novella. Then a novel. Then a novella. Then write Halloween Jack and the Devil’s Gate in 30 days, start to finish. Then write another novel, sequel to the first novel. Start manipulating Amazon’s Algorithms to super-boost your book sales.
- Get separated. Reconciled.
- Went through that odd “Todd” phase. If that’s how I was introducing myself when we met, that’s cool. You can still call me that, but the “M” is for Michael. That’s the preferred name, but not going to be a stickler for it over Todd. However, I will be a stickler over shortened forms of “Michael.”
- Can you believe we’ve stayed mostly in 2011 so far? Time to sum up a little faster. Better speed it up… I have other writing to do today. Even less chronological order.
- Used the storytelling show to launch a writing career.
- Started going to conventions and conferences to speak and sell books.
- Had a third child. She’s my joy, a force of nature.
- Tough Mudder. Twice.
- Sold a series of books to a publisher. Just got the rights to that series of books back. Now I have to figure out what to do with that sei
- Made a ton of awesome friends. Lost some of those friends because of boneheaded and insensitive comments and/or jokes. Spent long stretches of time wondering if any amount of apologizing would do any good. Also wanting to respect their boundaries in breaking off contact. Making concerted efforts to minimize being boneheaded and insensitive.
- Retired from doing the storytelling show at ren faires. instead, produced storytelling shows myself to great success.
- Got a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing, with a focus in fiction. It’s one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. The program I went through also saved my life.
- Started teaching writing. Both at conferences and private mentoring. I find this so rewarding.
- Ended the decade with a novel posted (mostly) every day to my Patreon. It’s possibly the best thing I’ve written. The most rewarding.
- Danced. Still Dancing! Dancing has saved my life.
- Started practicing Hapkido. This also saved my life.
- Discovered who is in my true inner circle of friend. Some of the people there surprised me a lot. I’m grateful and thankful for all of them. They saved my life.
And now, let’s get to the big thing… On May 14th, 2017, I suffered an emotional breakdown in the middle of one of my storytelling shows. This led to a lot of self-destructive behavior, not to mention a ton of therapy. I learned that I suffer from chronic depression, complex PTSD, and Borderline Personality Disorder. The rest of my decade had been in recovering from my breakdown and stupid shit I did in the wake of my breakdown. Much of that stupid shit textbook behavior for someone with BPD. It’s cost me friendships and business relationships. It’s led to my life becoming a topsy, turvy, chaotic mess. However, I’m healing little bits at a time through my art and creativity. Hopefully, I’ll be able to mend some of those relationships. I know it’s not possible with some.
Over the final quarter of the last decade, I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’m afraid. I teeter on the edge of flight mode pretty much all of the time. I know, I know. You may be one of the people who think that I spend far more time on the edge of fight mode, but it’s part of the persona. It’s a ruse to cover the fear. Luckily, thanks to therapy, Hapkido, and good friends giving me support, more and more, I’m having moments where I’m not afraid, where I’m not on the edge of flight mode.
It’s kind of liberating.
No.
It is liberating.
Now, going into a new decade with tons more self-awareness than I’ve ever had before, I feel like I’m coming into my own. I’m finally figuring out who Michael Todd Gallowglas is. He’s got a bunch of rough edges, but he’s getting there. For the first time in my life, I kinda like the guy in this meat sack. He’s got potential.
So now I get to figure out where the hell I am going.
